Explained: separation of men and women during traditional Jewish prayer services
Bestselling author and rabbi Joseph Telushkin explains the reasons behind separation of men and women in a traditional synagogue setting:
Today, many non-Orthodox Jews feel that a separate women’s section is offensive, that it consigns women to an inferior status. While there are Orthodox laws that clearly disadvantage women–most notable, the laws of divorce–it is by no means clear that the mekhitza [DM: partition erected in the seating section of an Orthodox synagogue to prevent the mixing of men and women] is, or was, intended to be discriminatory. It seems, rather, to have been a response to human nature. G-d is abstract, and it is an effort for people to focus on an abstract Deity while praying. For me, and I think for many other men, it is a natural reaction to look around when a group of women is present and let one’s gaze rest on a pretty woman. Indeed, people usually dress up before going to synagogue, in an effort to look attractive. In the “battle” between an intangible G-d and a tangible member of the opposite sex, Jewish law assumed that the tangible member is more likely to win. Hence, the physical separation can help bring about spiritual concentration for both sexes.
… The issue of the mekhitza provokes powerful emotions in Jewish life. Jewish feminists have on occasion demanded that all Jews committed to women’s rights refuse to attend any service in which women are segregated and denied public participation. Orthodox Jews, on the other hand–men and women alike–, will not participate in a service at which men and women sit together. (Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, Jewish Literacy The Most Important Things to Know About the Jewish Religion, Its People, and Its History, pp. 645f.)
Great post, Gene. Tznius is one of those things I’ve, sadly, had to let fall by the wayside in order to fit in with Messianic and Christian society.
I’m not sure if I’ve told this story before… but a long time ago when I was shomer negiah I quickly realized that it was impractical in a non-Orthodox town. I remember one sunday that I decided to go to an evangelical church. As I approached the front entrance, I saw that there were two clowns (yes, real clowns) standing just inside the front entrance in the antechamber. They were dressed in full clown costume, complete with painted faces. I think it was a husband and wife. To my chagrin, I saw that even the female was shaking everyone’s hand. I cringed, sensing the awkward scene that was about to unfold. Sure enough, a few moments later I tried to slip through the front entrance unnoticed but then the female clown reached out her hand to shake my hand. What followed was a blur of awkwardness in which I tried to politely explain to the clown why I couldn’t shake her hand–and then I hurried through into the relative safety of the main lobby. The image that I still remember: the wounded look in the otherwise happy clown face.
Peter, that story of yours was both hilarious and sad at the same time! (tragicomedy?)
However, you could have avoided all that – for example, there are opinions that say that one CAN shake hand of member of opposite sex if not doing so will cause him or her to be embarrassed, for the sake of kavod habriyos (human dignity).
This will be one of many issues I guess me and my girlfriend will have to sit down and hash out. I plan on listing all the appertaining commands out on the kitchen table and mutually describing a fervor level to each of them to begin with in a married household. She observes Torah and covers her head when she prays already, so I think she is disposed to it already.
Of course, if society were different, I probably would not have a “girlfriend” or go on “dates” to the flicker show and would instead simply accost the father and get hitched, or whatever.
I suppose the latter would be best, but even in a MJ group I dunno what a father would say if you tried to set it up in the old fashion way. I don’t know where such modalities exist in Atlanta.
My girlfriend and I deciding on shomer negiah arrangements *after* our hypothesized marriage.
I suck at Torah and I’m a total hypocrite. (strained laughter)
I know the dad, by the way.
“I suppose the latter would be best, but even in a MJ group I dunno what a father would say if you tried to set it up in the old fashion way. I don’t know where such modalities exist in Atlanta.”
I asked and received permission from my wife’s father before I proposed. I highly recommend it. Also, I only went out with my wife few months before I did that and a great deal of the time we spent together was in the house of her parents – with her parents present. So, call me “old fashioned”.
We just go to my folk’s place, watch movies, eat dinner, etc. She lives on the other side of Atlanta so we often meet halfway. Either way, I cannot imagine not asking permission and just surprising parents like that. Nor cohabiting like a couple of Euros. Too messy.
When I think I am good, and/or upright, Torah points out my youthful foolishness and reminds me. No matter what righteousness I fancy I have attained, I am always at square 1 with St. Augustine. If not in fact, then in regret.
At one point in my life, I would have shrugged off shomer negiah as something for constipated erudites. Now I wish I could have imparted some advice to the old me. Admitting that makes me feel old for 29, yet immature before the Sages I study.
“No matter what righteousness I fancy I have attained, I am always at square 1 with St. Augustine. If not in fact, then in regret. ”
I think it’s a good place to be – keeps one humble. G-d loves a broken spirit. That said, having too much guilt because of never measuring up can rot the soul and sap the spirit. So, I suggest a path to ever greater obedience, one small step at a time, repenting but not beating oneself up for missteps or imperfections. Easier said than done, I know.
Drake,
“We just go to my folk’s place, watch movies, eat dinner, etc. She lives on the other side of Atlanta so we often meet halfway”
You two should try the vegan breakfast at Ria’s Bluebird sometime. I think it’s pretty near the heart of Atlanta…
I go to this place in Athens, Ga called “The Grit.” Totally vegetarian, owned by Michael Stipe, lead singer of REM. That said, we should meet where you have just described. Sounds pretty awesome.
Some veggie places have an understanding that tofu tastes really crappy and have found interesting ways of making the unseemly actually taste good.
I also need to stop by Toco Hill and pick up more usable meat. Thanks Peter.
Many Christian and Messianic congregations which would never segregate based on sex have a policy of segregating children from adults, also based on the rationale that children are a distraction from worship. In opposition to that, there is the Family Integrated Church movement. In these congregations, all members of the family worship together and there are no age- or gender-segregated groups or activities.
“Many Christian and Messianic congregations which would never segregate based on sex have a policy of segregating children from adults, also based on the rationale that children are a distraction from worship.”
It’s the total opposite of that in many Orthodox synagogues. As noted in the post, adults are segregated by gender to prevent any distraction based on sexual attraction (which can give one impure thoughts), especially for men (which is very real – and I don’t care how “holy” you think you are). Children, however, are often allowed to roam free. This is because 1) children are viewed as the greatest asset to the Jewish community and its future (not a burden to hide in the backroom), 2) it’s far better to associate the synagogue with a place of fun vs a place of drudgery, restriction and disapproving frowning adults (which will do nothing but ensure that children will come to loath the synagogue as a place of kill-joy and boredom), 3) children will often run to sit with either mother or father at different times during service, giving BOTH parents a chance to concentrate on worship.
As someone who worships in an Orthodox synagogue I can attest to all three reasons for including children as not only valid, but something to be emulated by all churches and synagogues.